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What You Can Unlearn If You Want to Be Able to See Possibilities

Message 6, January, 2021

Dear Guest,

Learning to see possibilities is hard! For me, re-learning to see possibilities after I had gotten trapped in the habit of “possibility blindness” (see message 4) was a big challenge. There were just so many things I had to unlearn first. 

I can’t tell you exactly what you need to unlearn, but for me, the list was long. And of course it was complicated because my caregiving responsibilities were continuing to grow.

Among others things, I had to unlearn to listen to what other people thought was best for me. I had to unlearn the belief that there are things caregivers can’t or shouldn’t do (like make choices and let other people be uncomfortable) and there are things they shouldn’t have (like goals and dreams). I had to unlearn the habit I had picked up of being so darn polite all the time. And I had to unlearn that putting myself last was always the right thing to do, no matter what it cost me.

Believe it or not, the hardest part about seeing what you need to unlearn isn’t making a list like mine. It’s learning to make that list without beating yourself up over what you see on it.

The place to start is simply by observing what’s around you (and maybe what’s in your own head) and just letting it all be there. That’s right, just notice things and take a breath, and stop.*

Don’t judge yourself for what you notice and don’t worry about whether or not you are doing this perfectly. My hope is that over time, you’ll be able to allow yourself to notice things any time you want or need to,* but for now, try to do it just for a minute or two at a time. Use this time you’ve set aside for you - to think about yourself and who you are - to truly notice.

I’ve got a name for the things you’ll begin to notice that you want to unlearn: “possibility blockers.” In the next message, I’m going to talk about the number one possibility blocker of all.

Please let me know how this is working for you, or if you have any questions, by leaving a comment here.

Kay Coughlin

*If you want a short guide to help you with this step, take a look at my free “Thought Download Cheat Sheet.


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