Message 8, January, 2021
Dear Guest,
I’m just going to get right to this, because I know it’s a big issue for most caregivers. We have to talk about guilt - and yes, it's the right time to do it, while we are looking for encouragement - because it is one of the most common possibility blockers.
If you feel guilt, especially as a caregiver, please know you are not alone. And you are not broken. You are human!
You do not need to feel guilty for feeling guilt.
Guilt wears a bunch of other faces too - shame, regret and disgrace are a few that come to mind. It's a weight that presses down hard on us and keeps us from moving forward. Guilt says we can't live a fulfilling life, that because of something that might be our fault in the past, present or future (or so we think, anyway), we shouldn't have a life filled with dreams and hope. That we don't deserve to.
Guilt is a powerful liar. And it is an energy suck and an attention hog. Guilt is discouraging and distracting and it's a big jerk.
I’m not here to tell you that you should stop feeling guilty.* Pushing emotions away is not a healthy practice. On the contrary, if we want to grow and thrive, we humans need to feel and process whatever emotions we have. It's not easy work, but the results can be amazing. You do have a choice about whether or not guilt controls you, though, even in this moment. If you want to stop handing your life over to guilt, you can.**
If you are listening to voices telling you to feel guilt, you can tune them out right now. Even if that voice is your own.
I am living proof that you can break out of the cycle of guilt, rinse, repeat. If I can do it, then believe me, you, too, can live a more fulfilling life, surrounded by possibilities, no matter your relationship with guilt right now!
For this moment, it’s enough to simply recognize that you feel guilt and that it’s holding you back (try not to judge yourself for this, just notice it, and see message 7 for more on judgment).
Then trying saying to yourself: “OK, so I know I’m feeling guilt about this situation. If the guilt weren’t getting in my way, what possibilities would I be able to see?”
In the next message, I’m going to talk about what I call the favorite exercise of human beings: jumping to conclusions. I think it’s also our favorite possibility blocker.
Please let me know how this is working for you, or if you have any questions, by leaving a comment here.
Kay Coughlin
*If you do feel guilt a lot, I highly recommend figuring out just exactly where that belief is coming from. Check out my free “Thought Download Cheat Sheet” to get some help looking at your thoughts without judging yourself for what you’re going to see in them.
**If you think guilt is just a part of being a caregiver, I am here to tell you, happily, you are wrong. You can be a caregiver with a fulfilling life and zero long term guilt. You have to feel guilt and process it when it comes up, but that can be done (I know because I do it often) and it works!
